Self-care game rules

RULE ONE: Be honest. After all, if you are not, you are cheating yourself. Before the game, take an assessment of your current situation using the questionnaire in your game booklet.

RULE TWO: Do three things a day. One from Love category, one from Pleasure, and one from Truth. As you complete your items, mark them as done in your game booklet. Pick a different color for each category. Use glitter markers or stickers for more fun! You can do the same thing over and over, every day — but I would encourage you to try them all. You can come up with your own ideas for self-care, as long as it is not an existing habit. 

RULE THREE: Take it easy and do not stress. This is very important. If you miss something, you can do additional activities the next day, and put them under bonus category. 

RULE FOUR: Report to the group. Every night, or the morning after, post a report into our Facebook group. In the report, include your journaling about your Truth (see below), and your favorite moments of the day related to self-care. Encourage others by cheering on their posts. At the end of the week, calculate your score (add up all things you did). The goal is to have 21 things every week. 

Love activities

Someone has my back. I am loved. This is what love-centered activities feel like! Love is eternal, all-encompassing, it does not discriminate. Here is a list of Love activities. Do one each day. 

1. Empty out your purse every night

This is a miraculously effective practice. Try it. You may find things that you have long forgotten. You will feel more organized and clear. Or you just may feel like someone really pays attention to you — always a good thing.

This can be the beginning of your morning or evening routine — simple things that make your life run smoother. For example, I often forget to turn down my thermostat for the night, and get too hot. Small action — but a good night’s sleep, which is priceless.

2. Organize one category of your belongings

I learned this from Marie Kondo’s incredible book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. The idea is to declutter by category (not by room). It could be a big category (all your shoes) or a small category — all your lipstick, for example. Or pens. Lay them all out on one surface. Take each one in your hands, and ask: “Does this spark joy?” If it does — put it aside. If it doesn’t — get rid of it quickly. This activity works wonders. I wrote a whole blog post about how I Konmari’d my house. 

3. Give yourself a special gift

Bouquet of flowers? A movie? New hat? Night out? Massage? Any material gift — especially something you have always wanted. 

4. Exercise

Either by yourself, or take an exercise class. Some wonderful exercise routines can be found online. You know what you like — go ahead and do it. One of my favorite easy exercise routines is the 12-minute method by Dr. John Douillard.

5. Clean your house for 20 minutes

Choose either an area, like your bathroom, or an activity, like dusting or vacuuming. Set the timer for 20 minutes and go for it. Don’t obsess — when the time is up, stop. 

6. Say seven gratitudes

Better done at night. I love taking seven little rocks, pick them one by one and say a gratitude for whatever comes to mind. You can pick seven random objects. 

7. Groom yourself

Grooming also does wonders for you to feel cared for. Do it yourself, or have someone do it. File your nails, shave your body, pluck your eyebrows. Do a face mask — there are plenty of do-it-yourself mask recipes online, for example, here. 

8. Meditate for 10–20 minutes

Do a guided meditation, or sit still and just listen. Here is my guided sacred garden meditation, inspired by a technique I learned in a Tantra class. 

9. Prepare something for yourself

Do a turn-down bed service — just for you. Light a candle by your bedside, put a flower on your night stand, and a little chocolate or a lavender pouch on your pillow. Lovingly pick and lay out your clothes for tomorrow. Or, prepare lunch for the next day, so you won’t have to worry about it. Or put together a list of your favorite songs on Spotify. Even though it is you who is spending time doing it, trust me, it feels like a gift from the Universe. 

10. Give yourself an hour to do nothing

This may be hard for some of us. But if you allow all of your pressures to disappear, it will feel like someone just gave you an extra hour of life — for free. If you have a really busy life, do half an hour. 

Pleasure activities

Pleasure is an activity that helps you feel relaxed. You get lost in your senses. Your mind clears and you heart softens. Do one of these per day. 

1. Self-massage with warm oil (Abhyanga)

Nothing brings oxytocin levels up as this simple activity! (Well, maybe sex with a loved one). It is simple to do. Take a small bottle, fill it with sesame oil. You can use another oil, too. Warm up the bottle in a sink full of hot water. Then pour some on your head, and on your body. Massage yourself for 5 minutes, paying special attention to your scalp and feet. Use long strokes for limbs, and round strokes for joints. Don’t worry about oil on your scalp — it will come off by using shampoo. Leave some oil on your skin — it will moisturize and nourish this most important organ all day. Here is an amazing article by Dr. John Douillard about healthy skin. 

2. Dance like no one’s watching

Put on your favorite song (or two, or three) and rock out! 

3. Soak

Make yourself a Kleopatra bath (milk, honey, rose petals). Or Epsom salt bath with essential oils. Or a foot soak with Epsom salts. They all work wonders. 

4. Pleasure your body

Take a feather and run it all around your skin. Self-pleasure. Touch yourself the way you want to be touched. Do a little research — what does it feel like to touch your lips vs. cheeks? The outside of your hand vs. the inside of your hand? Do it for 10 minutes with the single intention to just be present with you. 

5. Indulge your inner child

Put together a puzzle. Throw darts. Ride a bicycle. Jump on a trampoline with your hands up. Whatever makes you feel like a little kid. Or try laughter Yoga right in front of your computer! 

6. Use a divination tool

Cards abound. Goddess cards, astrology cards, etc. One of my favorite websites is ichingonline.net. You can get a reading from the Book of Changes, and it is often shockingly revelational. 

7. Write freely for 10 minutes

I learned this technique from Menna van Praag, a brilliant writer. You can sign up for her twice-weekly game here, or just use this technique. Pick a sentence from a book or find writing prompts online. Set a timer for 10 minutes, and write whatever comes to mind. Anything. It is an incredibly refreshing activity. 

8. Artist’s date

Famous exercise from Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way. This is a more time-consuming activity, but oh how wonderful. 

9. Adorn yourself

Makeup, jewelry, beautiful clothes, underwear, or special shoes? Choose your way! You can do it in conjunction with “prepare something for yourself” exercise from the Love list. Then you get two credits!

10. Eat a beautiful meal

Sit down, use your most beautiful dishes, light a candle. Spend at least 15 minutes eating — alone or with someone. Enjoy every bite. 

Truth activity

Truth is the third pillar of holistic self-care. It is about paying attention and acting on your truth. There is only one activity in this section: Journal about how you stood up for yourself today.

Did you have to disappoint someone? Did you have to overcome your fear to care for yourself today? Even if you did none of these things, still journal and share your findings in the group. This counts for your Truth point for the day. This activity cannot be transferred to another day.