This question puzzled me for a long time. Ever since I read Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life, I decided that I will fall in love with myself, or die trying.
As you probably know very well, in our society people’s appearances are constantly criticized. Especially if you are a woman, it’s hard to grow up not hating your body, and therefore yourself. I did not like it; so I set out to find the magical cure.
First, I thought it was in the books. I have jumped onto Amazon, local library, and everywhere I could to find the book that will reveal the secret. In a couple of years, I had read over a hundred self-help volumes. Each of the authors convinced that their approach really worked (I am sure it did). I have tried affirmations, mirror work, tapping, the morning pages (from the wonderful book by Julia Cameron)... you name it, I have probably done it. But still, the voice in my head was sounding like your worst-nightmare teenage bully (“Just look at that belly! Or that chin! OMG! No one will ever, ever, ever love you!”)
Then I discovered workshops. I was in love! You go and you get super, duper inspired. You come back home on cloud nine... only to find the reality of life deflate your bubble in no time. Tens of thousands dollars later, back to square one. I’m not saying workshops don’t work, they are wonderful experiences that really help in moving you forward, but they are limited in the power to actually influence your daily life.
In the span of nine years, I’d done a lot of radical things: ending my marriage, finding a new love, moving to the most beautiful town, getting a dog... But I still had that inner terrorist attacking me every time I looked into the mirror.
What the... ?!? I was getting impatient. I found another book with great advice (highly recommend it, The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson). But this time I did it differently. I actually set up an action plan and put each and every one of the activities on my to-do list. Not just a simple to-do list, a game.
Every time I went to the mirror and said “I love you” (I admit it, I had to fake it for a while till I felt something), I recorded it. Every single day, every single activity got me some goodie points in my game. My obsessive personality finally was paying off! I was so addicted! But this time it was working for me, not against me.
Around week three, I started looking around and noticing things were different. I was getting happier. Looking at my dog Buddy, I suddenly realized that he actually loves himself, and life. I was not aware of that before!
And then one morning, I woke up with a thought: “I did not create this body, therefore I have no right to hate it.”
Whoa. OK. I get it.
And since that day, my negative self-talk went away. I am able to look myself in the eyes, and admire that person. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of me in the mirror and think “what a cutie.”
And that was just the beginning. I feel that since then, my life is falling more and more back together. I have found true serenity and happiness, in so many areas.
I did find the answer. You fall in love with yourself through action. Daily small action.
The smallest things can make the biggest difference. Things like putting makeup on every morning (gender-appropriate, of course :). Not necessary, but my day just goes better when I look extra pretty. Or doing my 15-minute yoga routine. Or putting out clothes I plan to wear the next day. These all added up to a wonderful feeling that I am loved and cared for. I finally started to trust myself that yes, being so nice to myself... I must really love me!
So now, I would like for more people to experience this. Something truly wonderful is in the works... If you would like to play a game like this, subscribe to email updates on our blog, and you’ll be the first to know!